It All Makes Sense Now

I've realised something. Everything in my life, everything that I've been doing until now is all meaningless meaningless meaningless.

Right now when I'm fretting over my career choices, worrying whether I'll get that dream job, swearing to God up & down what I'll do for Him if I could only get that job.... Please please God.... just give me that job.... It hit me. 

I was praying for the wrong thing.

And it hit me even harder, that I've been praying for the wrong things all my life. All my life! All 24 years of it. What was I praying for? 'God, give me this... God, give me that', as if God was some 招财猫 who exists solely to grant my wishes. And I know that I act this way when I'm unsure of myself because I'm vulnerable now. Where do I go from here?

My career is not important. In fact, whatever job I get is also unimportant. I could land the crappiest job ever with the tiniest pay ever and that is absolutely unimportant. Because what matters most is do I love Him enough? And how much love I can show others. That's what I should be praying for. That's what's important.